My reflections....

Even though Ryan has only been gone a mere 48 something hours I have reflections in my life that make this deployment completely different from the one we survived in 2007-08. This deployment I'm 26 hours from family and completely alone with 3 kids versus the 1 had in Georgia. Or am I? I might have 2 more kids, and no full-time paying job, I still have my Army family. Maybe Ryan should be paying me to keep the kids happy and fulfilled with the pay I used to get with the Methodist church?

Ryan called me around 3am MNT time and I was out. I was up with the twins kicking the door down and remembered looking at the clock at midnight and crashing. He called a couple hours later, but I was out. He did call around 9:40am, our time and he was able to "talk" to the girls and we had a few minutes to chit chat about stuff. Later in the evening Kendra kept walking around the house saying daddddddaaa at the top of her lungs like she calls for her twin Krista and it broke my heart. Calling for dad who she obviously remembers but not finding him. :( Girls went to bed with their daddy dolls.

Today was laundry day. I literally kept looking at the 3 piles of laundry and avoided them till 9 when I knew I had to do them since I had to have something to wear to do my errands. My errands consisted of picking up Ryan's vehicle 25 minutes away and doing some random stuff that I've been putting off. Just simple stuff, but I needed an adult to stay in the car with the twins while I did them. I should note that Ryan's phone is turned off since he is gone.

Our day progressed with getting a shower(yes!!) and doing my errands with a crew of kids, and the laundry is done. Now on to my reflections.

1. Friends in your life are considered Army family if your far from home. Ryan's vehicle is back in the driveway thanks to my friend Bethany whose hubby is also deployed. Ryan's car keys are attached to my van keys to remind me to drive it twice a week. YUCK, no AUX cord for my ipod.

2. The house will be messy. Before Ryan left we picked up the toys when the twins went to bed, swept the floor, I did the dishes, etc. The dishes were always for me, but Ryan would pick up the toys and sweep up the floor when asked. Same goes for the trash on Tuesday, that was Ryan's job. Now I have a reminder on my phone for Trashy Tuesday to put the trash cans out. And lastly Ryan would fold the clean towels since I did the other clothes. Now its all on me and Eryn. I've realized at the end of the day when the twins go to bed I say oh well the toys will be there tomorrow when Kendra dumps them yet again. The mess will be still be there in the morning so oh well. Toys are toys right? The towels will still be there and we can just grab them when its time for bath time for any of us. Still thinking about trashy Tuesday since its now my job. :)

3. Children as young as 2 still know that something is up if a parent leaves. Kendra realizes she hasn't seen her daddy, yet she's heard his voice thousands of miles away. She can hug her daddy doll who looks like daddy, but its not the actual daddy who comes in the door saying woof woof and has her running for the door to greet him. She's confused since I ask where daddy is and she looks, but she gets confused and irritated. Children do understand at this age. Poor kid asked for her daddy, but he wasn't there.

Finally, hug or kiss your spouse or significant other where ever they might be. My love is across the sea and knows I'm thinking of him. Love and miss you Ryan.

You never say goodbye, you say see ya later....

And he's gone again for another deployment. Thursday was a crappy day. Ryan had to be over at his office at 7 to prep for leaving. Drawing weapons, letting the MP dogs sniff their bags for drugs, just maintaining the chaos of everyone leaving.



The twins and I got to the gym where their ceremony was to be about 11 and waited for Ryan's text saying the bus was on their way. They finally got there 20 minutes later and we waited till he dismissed his soldiers for an hour to spend time with their family. Had a sandwich waiting for him, couple of drinks he requested and just hung out. Couldn't exactly leave like everyone else since we both knew his phone would go off or somebody would need him for something so we waited in the parking lot in the van cause of course he was needed. :)


Ryan and his detachment SGT with last minute paperwork.



Ceremony started at 1400 in the gym. Pretty much involves him waiting in the back while his battle buddy, his detachment SGT puts his troops at attention, Ryan runs to the front takes command from him and the higher ups say a few words, the chaplain says a prayer and then they leave.









Eight minutes tops. But we got lucky cause the bus got their early and we were done 20 minutes early so Ryan said screw it the bus can wait. Outside we were able to visit and hang out and make the bus driver wait. Hehe.



Finally got a few minutes to say goodbye and snap a few pictures. The twins had fallen asleep since it was nap time.

New Look for the Blog

My friend Bethany Harty rocks. I'm just saying....

Trying to not be bitter...

Tonight is a quiet night here in El Paso, TX. The twins have finally gone to bed without trying to kick the door down to be let out, Eryn went with Ryan to the theater on post to watch Diary of A Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules(I thankfully avoided that one--thank you Ryan!!) and I have no homework to do. I finally finished Immigration Law, only person in the class, and should walk away with a high B or low A. I will take the B since that class was a nightmare since being on the border of Mexico I certainly made my professor know I'm not a fan of immigration. One more class with South University and I should have my 180 credit hours for graduation. SWEET!

My graduation for my Associates in Legal Studies I couldn't walk since I was grossly pregnant with the twins. No biggie, it was a 2 year degree. I vowed to walk in official graduation gear for my Bachelor's. I told myself I would walk even though it meant flying to Georgia alone. Yep, no go. Hubby will be deployed. AGAIN. Oh well...I've earned the degree and I'd love to walk across the stage in the $150 garb required for graduation, I will receive my much earned and very expensive degree via the postal system. I worked my booty off for the last 2 years with twins who require lots of appointments with ear doctors, hearing specialists, developmental pediatricians, Early Childhood Intervention, etc) to earn my expensive degree so I guess I should celebrate....hoping my El Paso friends will celebrate with me. Here's to another deployment.......

Beginning number 2......

The term "hurry up and wait"

As an Army wife we tend to use the term "hurry up and wait" a lot. It could mean we're waiting for PCS to new duty station orders, paper orders that we were expecting to deploy or orders to ETS(exit the Army). Our family has "known" that Ryan is deploying "soon". Excuse all the quote signs, but thats how we're expected to respond to questions. So we've known and I've had this mindset of get it over with already people. Just cut the dang orders so we can get it over with already. Sooner he goes the sooner he can get back and we're out of Hell Paso aka El Paso.

So I've been non patiently waiting for the last 10-14 days for the paper orders. Not that I want them, but yet I WANT them if that makes sense. Means that the last couple of months of late nights and training is for a reason I guess.

I went on a girls day of in and out of the car with my friend Bethany after we dropped off the twins at daycare. Side note: Girls only days are very necessary when your in a place when you don't have family aka my mom or grandma or regular people that you shop with around. So very thankful for my girlfriends who live in our neighborhood. End side note: Just one of those days where you go to the places that I personally will never do with the twins. Having a great time till I got a text from hubby around 1:10pm at El Taco Tote with B that simply said "I have orders." Sigh. Big sigh. Bummer sigh. Sigh that we finally have the orders to get him out of El Paso and on to our next location, but bummer for how we know he's leaving, but still SIGH. Its real and its happening AGAIN. Can we be done already?

Ready for the roller coast of the next few months to be OVER already. Big sigh from me....

Realizations

Even though I've known for a while that hubby is deploying shortly, the realization sort of hit me tonight. We paid a teenage sitter to come watch the kids while we went to a kid free night of dinner and...we had dinner and a stop at Howdy's for a drink.(convenience store for a soft drink) Thats it. Had hours free and we were gone two hours. HAHA

My realization hit me when I realized that soon we will not be able to pay a sitter to watch our kids because he'll be gone. I can't last minute text him and say we have a sitter coming at 7pm to watch the kids so we can have some alone time. And yes I did last minute text him at 4:15 to remind him that a sitter was coming at 7 to keep the kids....oops. We still had a good time, although short since we had nothing else to do. Now he's back locked in his office to answer the 60 emails that he needs to respond to on a priority preference and I'm heading to do whatever. Can this deployment be done when it hasn't even started? Its amazing that 2 hours of alone time make you realize that you should enjoy life for the now.