My reflections....

Even though Ryan has only been gone a mere 48 something hours I have reflections in my life that make this deployment completely different from the one we survived in 2007-08. This deployment I'm 26 hours from family and completely alone with 3 kids versus the 1 had in Georgia. Or am I? I might have 2 more kids, and no full-time paying job, I still have my Army family. Maybe Ryan should be paying me to keep the kids happy and fulfilled with the pay I used to get with the Methodist church?

Ryan called me around 3am MNT time and I was out. I was up with the twins kicking the door down and remembered looking at the clock at midnight and crashing. He called a couple hours later, but I was out. He did call around 9:40am, our time and he was able to "talk" to the girls and we had a few minutes to chit chat about stuff. Later in the evening Kendra kept walking around the house saying daddddddaaa at the top of her lungs like she calls for her twin Krista and it broke my heart. Calling for dad who she obviously remembers but not finding him. :( Girls went to bed with their daddy dolls.

Today was laundry day. I literally kept looking at the 3 piles of laundry and avoided them till 9 when I knew I had to do them since I had to have something to wear to do my errands. My errands consisted of picking up Ryan's vehicle 25 minutes away and doing some random stuff that I've been putting off. Just simple stuff, but I needed an adult to stay in the car with the twins while I did them. I should note that Ryan's phone is turned off since he is gone.

Our day progressed with getting a shower(yes!!) and doing my errands with a crew of kids, and the laundry is done. Now on to my reflections.

1. Friends in your life are considered Army family if your far from home. Ryan's vehicle is back in the driveway thanks to my friend Bethany whose hubby is also deployed. Ryan's car keys are attached to my van keys to remind me to drive it twice a week. YUCK, no AUX cord for my ipod.

2. The house will be messy. Before Ryan left we picked up the toys when the twins went to bed, swept the floor, I did the dishes, etc. The dishes were always for me, but Ryan would pick up the toys and sweep up the floor when asked. Same goes for the trash on Tuesday, that was Ryan's job. Now I have a reminder on my phone for Trashy Tuesday to put the trash cans out. And lastly Ryan would fold the clean towels since I did the other clothes. Now its all on me and Eryn. I've realized at the end of the day when the twins go to bed I say oh well the toys will be there tomorrow when Kendra dumps them yet again. The mess will be still be there in the morning so oh well. Toys are toys right? The towels will still be there and we can just grab them when its time for bath time for any of us. Still thinking about trashy Tuesday since its now my job. :)

3. Children as young as 2 still know that something is up if a parent leaves. Kendra realizes she hasn't seen her daddy, yet she's heard his voice thousands of miles away. She can hug her daddy doll who looks like daddy, but its not the actual daddy who comes in the door saying woof woof and has her running for the door to greet him. She's confused since I ask where daddy is and she looks, but she gets confused and irritated. Children do understand at this age. Poor kid asked for her daddy, but he wasn't there.

Finally, hug or kiss your spouse or significant other where ever they might be. My love is across the sea and knows I'm thinking of him. Love and miss you Ryan.

You never say goodbye, you say see ya later....

And he's gone again for another deployment. Thursday was a crappy day. Ryan had to be over at his office at 7 to prep for leaving. Drawing weapons, letting the MP dogs sniff their bags for drugs, just maintaining the chaos of everyone leaving.



The twins and I got to the gym where their ceremony was to be about 11 and waited for Ryan's text saying the bus was on their way. They finally got there 20 minutes later and we waited till he dismissed his soldiers for an hour to spend time with their family. Had a sandwich waiting for him, couple of drinks he requested and just hung out. Couldn't exactly leave like everyone else since we both knew his phone would go off or somebody would need him for something so we waited in the parking lot in the van cause of course he was needed. :)


Ryan and his detachment SGT with last minute paperwork.



Ceremony started at 1400 in the gym. Pretty much involves him waiting in the back while his battle buddy, his detachment SGT puts his troops at attention, Ryan runs to the front takes command from him and the higher ups say a few words, the chaplain says a prayer and then they leave.









Eight minutes tops. But we got lucky cause the bus got their early and we were done 20 minutes early so Ryan said screw it the bus can wait. Outside we were able to visit and hang out and make the bus driver wait. Hehe.



Finally got a few minutes to say goodbye and snap a few pictures. The twins had fallen asleep since it was nap time.

New Look for the Blog

My friend Bethany Harty rocks. I'm just saying....

Trying to not be bitter...

Tonight is a quiet night here in El Paso, TX. The twins have finally gone to bed without trying to kick the door down to be let out, Eryn went with Ryan to the theater on post to watch Diary of A Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules(I thankfully avoided that one--thank you Ryan!!) and I have no homework to do. I finally finished Immigration Law, only person in the class, and should walk away with a high B or low A. I will take the B since that class was a nightmare since being on the border of Mexico I certainly made my professor know I'm not a fan of immigration. One more class with South University and I should have my 180 credit hours for graduation. SWEET!

My graduation for my Associates in Legal Studies I couldn't walk since I was grossly pregnant with the twins. No biggie, it was a 2 year degree. I vowed to walk in official graduation gear for my Bachelor's. I told myself I would walk even though it meant flying to Georgia alone. Yep, no go. Hubby will be deployed. AGAIN. Oh well...I've earned the degree and I'd love to walk across the stage in the $150 garb required for graduation, I will receive my much earned and very expensive degree via the postal system. I worked my booty off for the last 2 years with twins who require lots of appointments with ear doctors, hearing specialists, developmental pediatricians, Early Childhood Intervention, etc) to earn my expensive degree so I guess I should celebrate....hoping my El Paso friends will celebrate with me. Here's to another deployment.......

Beginning number 2......

The term "hurry up and wait"

As an Army wife we tend to use the term "hurry up and wait" a lot. It could mean we're waiting for PCS to new duty station orders, paper orders that we were expecting to deploy or orders to ETS(exit the Army). Our family has "known" that Ryan is deploying "soon". Excuse all the quote signs, but thats how we're expected to respond to questions. So we've known and I've had this mindset of get it over with already people. Just cut the dang orders so we can get it over with already. Sooner he goes the sooner he can get back and we're out of Hell Paso aka El Paso.

So I've been non patiently waiting for the last 10-14 days for the paper orders. Not that I want them, but yet I WANT them if that makes sense. Means that the last couple of months of late nights and training is for a reason I guess.

I went on a girls day of in and out of the car with my friend Bethany after we dropped off the twins at daycare. Side note: Girls only days are very necessary when your in a place when you don't have family aka my mom or grandma or regular people that you shop with around. So very thankful for my girlfriends who live in our neighborhood. End side note: Just one of those days where you go to the places that I personally will never do with the twins. Having a great time till I got a text from hubby around 1:10pm at El Taco Tote with B that simply said "I have orders." Sigh. Big sigh. Bummer sigh. Sigh that we finally have the orders to get him out of El Paso and on to our next location, but bummer for how we know he's leaving, but still SIGH. Its real and its happening AGAIN. Can we be done already?

Ready for the roller coast of the next few months to be OVER already. Big sigh from me....

Realizations

Even though I've known for a while that hubby is deploying shortly, the realization sort of hit me tonight. We paid a teenage sitter to come watch the kids while we went to a kid free night of dinner and...we had dinner and a stop at Howdy's for a drink.(convenience store for a soft drink) Thats it. Had hours free and we were gone two hours. HAHA

My realization hit me when I realized that soon we will not be able to pay a sitter to watch our kids because he'll be gone. I can't last minute text him and say we have a sitter coming at 7pm to watch the kids so we can have some alone time. And yes I did last minute text him at 4:15 to remind him that a sitter was coming at 7 to keep the kids....oops. We still had a good time, although short since we had nothing else to do. Now he's back locked in his office to answer the 60 emails that he needs to respond to on a priority preference and I'm heading to do whatever. Can this deployment be done when it hasn't even started? Its amazing that 2 hours of alone time make you realize that you should enjoy life for the now.

Why did I torture myself?

I have a love/hate relationship with Walmart. On one hand I have certain Walmarts here in El Paso that I enjoy going to while I have one location that makes me want to gouge my eyes out with hot picks. Let me explain that this Walmart is very close to the entrance to Mexico so the parking lot is generally covered with cars that have license plates with Juarez and Mexico. Now why would this be irritating? My first point....

1. I'm parked getting ready to leave. A woman in a big Tahoe pulls into the parking spot and since the shopping cart wasn't going to let her fully park there she proceeds to slam the shopping cart into the car in front of her. Seriously? I had my window slightly open and saw and heard the entire thing. I look at the car that was hit and the little car had dings all over it. Thats just ridiculous. Apparently from what I've been told Mexico doesn't require drivers to have insurance so apparently she figured she was justified.


Now on to gripe number 2 with this particular Walmart.....

2. I'm waiting patiently for a parking spot and the driver is leaving. This guy in a little Honda is going the wrong way down the row. So what does he do? He is able to back his car into that spot previously occupied spot and park there even though he saw me waiting for it.

3. Most Walmarts have an ENTER door and an EXIT door. People don't care they just use whatever door they want so your trying to fight just to get in there.

4. This Walmart is generally occupied by veryyyyy sllloooowwww older people. And the walk at a snails pace with their carts and must stop randomly to either pass gas or look at something--who knows which one. Doesn't matter what aisle you will be slowed down by a very slow shopper.

5. People like to cut you off at random. I've noticed its men more than women. Why can't men still be polite and let the woman go first?

6. Not only will you get cut off in the aisle you will get cut off at the checkout. I about had it out with a woman who starts going off on me speaking Spanish at yelling at me. I was there first and she pushes my cart out of the way. Fine, you want the spot take it.

7. Now this all occurred in the 20 item or less line. I had 16 and 4 of those items were soft drinks and a big box of diapers. This lady had over 40 and didn't care. They proceed to talk in Spanish and I know their talking about me by the way they look over at me and laugh.

8. Finally my turn. I'm greeted in Spanish. My response is I speak English. Nada, nothing. She rings up my order and doesn't even tell me my total. Why? Just because I don't speak Spanish your not going to be polite and even say hi or hello because I'm sure you know those words in English?

I have decided to avoid this Walmart. I don't know why I thought it would be a quick place to go. I've avoided it for the last 2 months so here is to another 2 months of avoiding.

Snarky comments will be deleted along with the person

Earlier I posted about how I was thrilled that we got 16 free hours of daycare for Ryan's pending deployment. Hate the deployment, but enjoy the perks. The cost of hourly care after we've exhausted the 16 hours free we move to the rate of $2 an hour per child. I had a "snarky" rude comment from someone saying why did I need daycare if I didn't work. Since technically I don't work away from home, I do drop the twins off for socialization skills and mommmy time to grocery shop, run errands, etc. I don't sit at home doing nothing while the twins are with Ms. Lupe and their caregivers. When the twins are at daycare I do errands I couldn't do alone. Having multiples is not easy......whether you have children under age or not.
The twins get to enjoy time away from mom(even though they fuss when I do drop off) and mom gets couple of hours to do laundry, dishes, homework. I used to feel very guilty dropping the girls at daycare, until I got some time for me. :)

It was that good I think I'll blog about it!

I decided I wanted a heathier taco salad so I made my own and it was AWESOME.

Started heating up already cooked steak fajita strips for myself and chicken for Eryn.

The rest is super easy.


Shredded lettuce, a little chopped onion, reduced fat shredded cheese, sprinkle of yummy santa fe style tortilla strips and a little dressing I found at the commissary. Layer and prepare to be in heaven.

I found the tortilla strips in the produce section of the commissary.

Its that time of year....

Its that time of year where I get sad. I miss my family and spending the holidays with them. I miss my mom and grandmother's cooking.....I miss irritating my sister Avery and having her say "whatever Terra" because she's 15 and does that.....I miss being with people outside of just myself, Ryan and the girls. Another year of having to make a Christmas dinner for 4 people(the twins count as 1 since they rarely eat anything) and make it where we don't have too many leftovers that everyone is saying that again? So for Christmas I'm making a quarter shank ham, broccoli/rice/cheese casserole, creamed corn, mashed potatoes, rolls and a super duper small dessert that Eryn and I picked out at Walmart. I'd rather my mom and grandma make their specialties and let me clean up. HAHA

I know I'm an Army wife and I'm proud of my husband, but I wish the Army hadn't of stationed us so far from family. Its hell being away from people they want to celebrate with. Back on track with being proud of my husband cause I can't praise him enough...... I'm very proud of my husband for empowering 3 of his soldiers that they passed PT so they could be promoted to the next rank. His unit is a family that has come together. I'm regularly known as Mrs. G and it makes me feel good that they know who I am even though I regularly drop off snacks. Anyway....Its hard to drive home to either Georgia or Indiana being 26 hours from either one. Flying would be a financial drain since we need 5 seats and the luggage costs would be unreal.

And while I'm in my blogging mood I have a love/hate relationship with the Army right now. I love that we have a paycheck that can sustain our family life, but it keeps my husband gone or focused on work when he should be with us. Every time I hear someone complain about their husband being gone overnight or even on a 2 week business trip I have to roll my eyes and sigh. Because a temporary trip is not even the same as someone gearing up for a deployment that is months out. Long hours at their office, long hours at the unit office, meetings, bringing huge folders of paperwork home to do "home work". I'm so over this crap.

So now I'm on to my next gripe/complaint/Terra's complaining....?
One of the dertachments for 4th Finance is deploying soon. Like soon soon. So since I'm the FRG leader I need to have troops and family members to provide snacks/food for totally last minute. The FRG is supposed to be families, but its not happening. I'm stressing about having a good send off for HQ soldiers since we sent Bravo off in style. Someone please pray that someone steps up to help me. Aghhh...

Krista's new love

Our sweet little peanut Krista has a new fascination with a certain picture of Ryan's sister Lisa and her family of hubby Eric and baby girl Savannah. She carries this wallet size picture of them around the house and essentially talks to when she's playing or walking around the house. I think its so cool because she recognizes people and talks to them like they are right here in the house.

Eryn and her trusty violin

For the second year in a row Eryn has decided to play violin. Ironically, it is the same violin that I used when I played in my final year-8th grade. She loves playing as much as I did and still wish I could remember the notes so we could play together. Here are some pictures of last night's performance. I will say it was a much better performance than last year. ;)

My Girls

You would have to call me crazy if I wasn't a worried mom of two identical baby girls every day of the week. Every moment of their life I try to keep separate with them growing up as individuals in our world. I see two little girls who are turning 2 who look exactly alike with different personalities who define who they are.

Kendra...the second twin who wants to shine to the world. Everyone needs to see her up close and in person.

And then we have Krista, the small dynamite package who arrived first and wants the world to know she's here in a smaller way. Krista is the dynamite with Kendra lighting the fuse.

Without one the other is lost. They sleep together...they eat together...everything is better when you have your other half with twins. keeping these two rugrats was hell on us all, but I wouldn't trade my twins for the world. <3

Deployments

So where do I start.....its November and Ryan isn't scheduled to deploy till later(sorry but OPSEC makes me wait) but I'm inspired to blog my experience of R's last 14 month and 21 day deployment in 2007-2008. Ryan and I got married in late December 2008 and he deployed 15 days later. It sucked big time because we were newlyweds. I can still remember the details of that day in Fort Stewart, GA. Had to wait and wait....then draw his weapon, wait wait some more...and then suddenly his CO said you have 5 minutes for formation and that was it. A day of waiting and waiting and we had 5 minutes to say goodbye. I had tears, I pulled out my camera as I took the last pic I would see for months. I have the picture, but can't seem to pull it up. It was the picture I sent to all of his family and looked at for months. He was a 1LT, not yet a CPT and it made me teary everytime. New marriage and new life to adjust to.

Our 12 months consisted of me working at the church and Ryan instant messaging me on the computer during the day and luckily my church family didn't care. They were thankful that I got to talk to him and communicate with him and knowing he was safe. Big thanks to Tommy, Bro Ben, Chance and Ty for being so understanding of the situation I was in.


In April 2008 we found out that Ryan was going to be extended an extra 3 months. It as like hitting rewind on the 3 months he had been here. I was at school that night in Savannah and came home to see the news he had been extended. My phone started ringing from his mom and sister asking if it affected Ryan. Yep, it affected him. 3 months down the drain.

And now I'm preparing 2 years later for a deployment. They suck, no denying it. My advice is this...

1. Keep yourself busy.

2. No news is good news.

3. Watching the news is pointless. Someone from DoD will inform you before some idiot from CNN decides to show up on your door.

4. The communication you do receive--cherish it because you never know when you will receive it again. Live for today, not tomorrow.

5. Don't worry if you miss a phone call. I know their random, but your soldier will forgive you. You have a life and family to tend to. Guilt sucks, but your human.

My day in El Paso

I'm not a fan of El Paso culture and shopping and my visit into the world of El Paso for Christmas/birthday shopping had me STRESSED. The twins are turning 2 and even though they won't remember anything, I do have 2 gifts from us planned. They really don't NEED anything, every else is more wants for the twins. They have clothes, we've gone through their books to rid the cracked/broken ones. I realize we need education toys for them to fight over. I have bought them both a sit and spin and 2 gifts from us on their actual gifts on their birthday on Wednesday. Am I a bad mom for only buying my girls 2 presents for their actual birthday? They don't care...they really don't. They just love to get individual mom and dad attention. I do my best to give both girls the attention they want, but right now I'm overwhelmed. Yep, an overwhelmed mom of 2 kids the same kids needs a break. I'm tired of everything....a twin who throws toys...one who whines.....one who eats and one who wants to drink juice/milk. I am thankful for Amanda C for making extra food and Bethany H for borrowing her drink dispenser. Without friends I would be lost. I'm frustrated and ready to cry...I won't cry though. I love them both so much, just wish they'd get along. I'm ready for their party since we celebrate their life and enjoy time with friends, but the cleaning up is out of my hands. Please let it all work out.

Why are women such bullies?

I've been thinking a lot about how some women are complete bullies to other women. Mostly on message boards, but I don't really think women really think about how their cutting others down which is essentially bullying. With so many stories of children being bullied at school with many of them committing suicide, why don't women think about what they say is conveyed to their own children? Even if you are on a message board full of women, why do they feel its okay to make others feel inferior, stupid or just belittle them with comments like "its my opinion and I don't care if you like it or not". Or "are you just a complete idiot"? Who made them the authority on life, the Army, even the relationship the woman might be just needing some advice on?

My next though.....cliques. I thought cliques were for kids in middle and high school? Not grown women who lead a posse of followers so they are more popular and help spread the bullying to others? Does it make them feel better to be part of that special group of women who know it all?

Random Junk about Twins

Before I had twins or even found out I was pregnant with twins I admit I was fascinated about twins specifically identical twins. There were four sets of identical twins in my high school at one time and seeing them in the hallways at various times wearing different times had people turning their heads. I do remember one set named Tracie and Stacie--something I was not going to repeat with my two. We did have a family member suggest Krista and Trista and we nixed that idea real quick.

I had a couple of twin comments recently that make me chuckle and also want to slap my forehead at the same time. My family and I are used to the stares and comments from the public when we go out in public. Sometimes its fine, sometimes its very annoying. People want to stop and stare and say dos bebe?? And then they say same same? I'm guessing they mean twin and I say si and get doble which I know means double. Then the older lady, its always an older grandma type, tries to love on them and say mommas.....mommas so sweet. And I know this is way out of left field, but I just love going to the doctors office and hearing Kreesta and Keendra Gillies. No joke. We hear that every doctors office in El Paso.

Back to my regular talk about twins. Having twins is different than having one. Its an adventure and a nightmare every day. Krista and Kendra must have this twin talk every morning on who is going to be the nightmare twin. Its a surprise every morning to see who wakes up in a good mood. Lately Krista has been the happy smiley one who has a good day. Kendra not so much. She steals her sisters juice cup and cries easily. But give it two weeks and the two will switch rolls.

For your enjoyment a little insight on how the twins act:

1. Krista is the bossy twin. She takes things from her sister and Kendra just lets it go. Krista is notorious for taking toys and Kendra just lets her.

2. Kendra is more talkative. We can say something to her and she repeats what you say. Krista follows her sisters lead and does what she does roughly 2 weeks later.

3. They have to sleep next to or near each other. That is a given that even the hourly daycare workers have caught on to. Total breakdown broke out when the twins were separated at naptime.

4. Krista is the bossy twin, Kendra is the mellow twin. They work well together. Krista has to see her sister when their at daycare especially.

5. They both love to eat....but never seem to gain weight. They both weigh around 23 pounds and wear a size 12 months in jeans. Almost 2 and wear 12 month jeans. Nice huh?

6. Kendra likes fruit more than Krista and Krista tends to eat veggies more. They like to swap food.

7. Krista tends to break down faster when she's overwhelmed than Kendra does. Krista will suck her fingers(number 5 on left hand and 4 on right hand) to comfort herself. Kendra will go to her sister when she sees she's stressed. We call it 5 and 9 here at home.

8.Krista is a huge cuddler and Kendra is not. Krista is actually drawn to momma more with Kendra favoring big sis Eryn.

So thats my random stuff about twins. I love having twins since their is never a dull moment with these two. They fight, they irritate each other, but yet that can't live without the other.

I am actually writing a book to the girls to be given to them when they turn 21. Its a mix of the trials and problems we went through with them being TTTS twins. TTTS is a very rare condition that affects identical twins. Its actually an interesting read.

Love from Texas,

Terra

I lost someone, but gained something else..

I lost a friend recently....very recently. A friend who I valued her friendship, until she got crazy after finding out her spouse had done some questionable things while deployed. I listened to her rants, her frustrations, etc, but I had enough when she became vindictive compared to venting. When you in front of myself and my husband say your going to take him for everything he's got and leave him with nothing but his
Harley and the clothes on his back I feel your being vindictive. He's a good dad to the kids, he's a good husband and provider. I get your mad, but go to counseling and work on your life together or separate without being a complete vindictive bitch. You laid it out how you were going to do your life and honestly is was vindictive and sorry. No more of saying You don't know what I've gone through. Sorry, dude but I have. My first husband cheated on me after 6 years together.
I've been there are started over.


On to life in the Gilles house.......I hate training. Seems like my husband is gone more for trainings and meetings at battalion more than he's home. Seems like he does more training for a deployment than he's home and its driving me nuts. Its the whole Meeting after meeting consumes our life and makes for a crabby husband when he's home. R doesn't deploy for a while but he's gone to meetings and 3 day TDY's more than I care to count. I wish the Army would realize that wives want to see their spouses BEFORE they deploy.

On to other news...the twins turn 2 next month. Holy cow I'm about to have 2 year old twins. Can I just say their a handful?? I was conversing with a fellow Army wife who is pregnant with twins apparently identical from the doctor's assessment from ultrasound. I was quick to tell her to be alert to TTTS with her twins since its very prevalent in identical twins. I worry for other twin moms like we're related. If not for the doctors at Cincinnati Children's Hospital, my miracles wouldn't be here. I'm geting teary so I'm signing off for the night.

Terra

Ugh...

These past two weeks have been hell. Literally pure hell with Ryan coming and going at odd hours. It honestly feels like he's deployed since he's gone all hours of the day and coming home at odd hours and having to field calls about troops in his unit. I get all that since its a part of his commanding his troops...what I don't get is the BS crap that pops up with after hours that makes him a difficult bear to live with. I'd rather he would get this stupid deployment over with so he can go back to normal.